An Explanation by William

How to cook eggs:

1. Get the box of eggs out of the refrigerator.
2. Open the egg box and get some eggs out. Usually I like two.
3. Put the eggs you got out inside a pan with milk and water inside. I think?
4. And then crack the eggs.
5. And then pull them in half above the pan.
6. Then turn on the oven and put the pan on.
7. Then you eat it and enjoy it.

A Description by William

Assignment: Describe your house in eight sentences. (This is part of William's Language Arts curriculum. He is supposed to dictate to me, and I'd rather type than write.)

My house is on the third floor of our apartment. My house is very messy, but my favorite toy is very, very easy to find. I have an elephant and a bear--well, I barely play with any of them. My house has a back porch. In the playroom we're going to make a castle--well, at least sometime. There's five lights in the playroom. My front hallway is a little bit sandy. My bathroom almost always has a light off.

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth. You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around. You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and unusual way of speaking How you live your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

I'm not sure that Cookie Monster would edit the spelling errors in a blogthings personality quiz (It originally said "usual way of speaking" and "life your life")...but hey...who am I to argue with science. Besides...I do have slightly crazy eyes and an unusual way of speaking. Not to mention the whole cookie thing. Chocolate chip if you please.

Captain Literal strikes again!

William: Mom, this is annoying me. Everyone says lions are the king of the jungle, but they don't LIVE in the jungle. They live in the SAVANNA. And ELEPHANTS are the king of the savanna, because they're the BIGGEST. It DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

(Those of you who have talked with William will understand the use of caps. My kid doesn't know the meaning of monotone.)

I'm at war.

I am under vicious attack by a mosquito. In my house. In December. This is wrong on so many levels. Where's my flyswatter?

Update: I win.

I thought about doing one of those map thingies that so many people are doing these days, but...decided against it. I know I should post something, and it's just easier to blather than to do cool graphics. Maybe some other more motivated day.

My life is very boring. It's hard to blog about. Well, it's either boring, or I don't feel comfortable talking about it in detail to an unknown public. I've been rather surprised lately by people who've come here. I really thought I was a fairly unknown, unvisited little corner of the internet but I guess there's no such thing. Soo....I blog a lot about William. Kid anecdotes are almost always acceptable, at least in small doses. With that in mind...a recent William funny:

The scene: Garage, Papa and Grammy's house, Jarek and William screaming and flailing at each other. Jonathan and I separate them and take them to different parts of the house for interrogation.

Me: What's going on out here?
William: (incoherent hysteria)
Me: Calm down. Start at the beginning. What were you doing before you and Jarek started fighting?
William: I was playing wacko with the red hamper on my head running around on the bed.
Me: Ok. What was Jarek doing?
William: He wasn't playing with me at that time.
Me: So how did the fight start?
William: Jarek tackled me on the bed and hit me with the belt and I said "Ouch! That hurt!" and told him to stop but he wouldn't stop. (hysteria creeping back in) And then I said he had to stop because it was my belt, so I was the boss of it and he said I wasn't! (full-blown hysteria achieved)
Me: Calm down. Ok. So what did you do when Jarek wouldn't stop?
William: I bonked him on the head.
Me: With what?
William: With my fist. Then he bonked me back, but he did it harder. I hit him like this (demonstrates) and he hit me like this (demonstrates) and it hurt worser.
Me: Ok. Calm down. So then what did you do?
William: I tried to hit him again, but I kept missing! (said with deep sorrow and hilarious demonstration of him missing his own head) Then I accidentally kicked him in the head because he was laying down, but I didn't mean to get my foot up there.

At this point, I cut straight to the sober exhortation to never hit and come tell a grown-up if there's a problem...blah blah blah...because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to contain my laughter if his explanation continued any longer. The funniest thing is how soon he cools down. He forgives Jarek almost instantly almost every time they fight. He holds a grudge against Crystal or Jonathan for spanking him longer than he does again Jarek for the offense that only moments ago had him in hysterics. I wonder if I kept my parents constantly on the verge of laughter the way this little stinker does me.

I've been enjoying reading various Feast blogs. Seems like everyone had a good Feast, but really...how do you have a bad Feast? I haven't blogged about the Feast yet. It was a good Feast, but not especially blog-worthy. The highlight for me was family. The "lowlight" was injuring my previously good knee. Big bummer. Oh and how could I forget highlight #2--no visitations for an entire month! Yippee! Then we had one yesterday, and I think everyone is getting bored with them. Really. Yesterday's was cut short by the person formerly known as William's dad because William kept saying he wanted to go home.

Post Feast, I'm putting structured homeschool on hold while we work on some attitude and discipline issues (William's not mine) and I work extra hours. I'm interested it what anyone who reads this did to entertain yourselves when you were kids? Also, what kind of chores did you do? I'm trying to come up with structured activities that William can do while I work and also ways that he can help out more around the house. Working from home is easier than working in the office, but it's still quite the balancing act, especially when I add in being the only parent and a homeschooling mom. So we're taking this week to re-establish our balance.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. William seems to have hit another "growth spurt" academically. We've been finishing up homeschool in record time -- 2 to 2 1/2 hrs. His spelling and writing are coming a lot easier, which was our main time consumer. But his math has taken off too. He finished 4 days worth in 15 minutes one day last week!! So we'll be buying some new math supplies soon most likely. He claimed boredom more than once last week, so we're forging ahead as fast as he's willing to go.

I'm still loving Sonlight Core K, but ready to move on to a more structured study of history because that's William's favorite topic. So we're forging ahead there too. Shirlene is finishing up some "new to us" stuff that hopefully we'll be able to start in January. I may be a little prejudiced, but I think my family is the best.

His reading is coming along great. He's becoming a more willing and enthusiastic reader too, even reading on his own time without prompting from me 2 or 3 times last week. This is rare. He'd rather be read to, or watch the history channel and try to build everything he sees with his legos. His current passion is the American Revolution, but I must say I am sick to death of the sounds of battle. He's too young to get what fighting really is, but I'm not. So I've put a moratorium on all playing or watching of anything having to do with fighting. My little lawyer has required me to tag on several addendums to that ("No fighting means no battles or forts or soldiers. Not even retired ones.") because he's in constant search of a loophole. If his math skills ever catch up with his loophole finding, I'll start letting him do the taxes.

I have plans to purchase a piano. But we know what happens to the best laid plans of mice and single moms, and this one hasn't happened yet.

The best part of the past couple of weeks has been William's sunny disposition. He's been at his cheerfullest and most obliging. I don't know why he's suddenly decided to be positive, but I'm loving and reinforcing it. He even didn't whine when I announced the "no fighting" rule! Anyone who knows him, knows this is amazing. There have been "moments," but more of them have been of the sweet and positive variety than the pull my hair out kind. My favorite moment from last week was when I was cuddling him at bedtime one night. I love the fact that at six, he still loves cuddles! I've been know to answer his whining about school with an explanation that "Everything I do is for you." Homeschool is the best option for him right now, and I try to open his eyes to appreciate that as a single mom, I'm making some sacrifices to provide this option to him, with God's help. It's been months since we've had this discussion though. Well, we're cuddling and he comes out with, "You remember how you told me everything you do is for me. That's true. And it's really nice. You're the best mommy in the whole universe." That makes it all worth it, doesn't it?

Coincidence? I think not.

After a particularly crummy day, this is the passage my Bible Study led me to tonight:

So he answered, “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” And Elisha prayed, and said, “LORD, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw. And behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

It's nice to know.

Bleh...

I just got off the phone...the phone call I've dreaded. The one setting up William's first visitation.

For Sunday.

Bleh.

Last night I had the strangest dream...

I dreamed that Crystal and my mom and I were shopping at the Feast in some mall kind of set up. Crystal and I keep going into this antique book store. The owner is this really nice old lady. We aren't really shopping, just waiting for mom to finish whatever she's doing, but I find this book. I thought it was by a guy from the American Revolution, but according to the owner it is from the crusades. It has all these little bits of stuff pressed in the pages, like gloves and hair and papers. So I'm really interested in it, and ask the lady how much it costs and she says $1400. Then she says "I think you better get a higher-paying job before you buy this one." And I say "Yeah, I think it'll be awhile before I can afford my interest in antique books." So I close it up and walk away and I'm trying to find where it was on the shelf. When I turn around, Crystal's handing me the book. She bought it for me. So I hug the owner and tell her thank you. Then as we're heading out the door, I ask Crystal why she bought it. She says, "I don't know. She kind of made me." I was thinking how I was going to get it on the plane with all the odd bits tucked away in it when I woke up.

Strange. Not quite as strange as the time I dreamed I missed the ice cream at Passover because I left the service to look for a piano bench because I was supposed to play special music....but still strange.

I think I've found a motivation to give up chocolate...

This.

As devoted as I'm sure Mr. Garcia is to his personal hygiene, I'm concerned that the article doesn't mention whether the contents of the vat of chocolate, which were at one time in his hair, ears and mouth, among other places, were thrown out or not.

Chocolate...I'm going to miss you.

Time marches on...

I don't know why I'm so not resigned to William growing up. Crystal's always excited when Jarek reaches a new milestone, and I always feel sad...like I wish I'd done more, remembered more....I don't know. So anyway...I've been instructed not to tell what the milestone is, but let's just say it didn't hurt or bleed as much as he thought it would. And he's SUPER excited. And we put it in a little yogurt cup with a lid, which he's planning on using for all of them. :)

I ran three miles this morning! I ran a 5k a couple months ago, but it was HARD and I just came home and slept most of the day after. Today felt good. This is my 3rd time through Runner's World's 5k training program, so I guess it's finally taking. I know this may not seem like a big deal, but to me....it's huge. Three years ago next month I blew my knee out playing basketball. I didn't have insurance at the time so was never able get it checked or anything. It was months before I could straighten it or bend it....it stank. For over two years I wasn't able to do anything weightbearing...even standing for a long time hurt...without pain and swelling, and I started to wonder if it was ever going to get all the way better. It's only been in the last 9 months or so that that has changed. In that time, I've managed to overdo it and get plantar fascitis and IT band tendonitis. So I finally took JB's advice and checked out the Runner's World website and started following their plan instead of just trying to run as far and fast as I could every day. And it's working! I'm so excited! Of course I'm still slow....but I'm just thankful to be on my feet again.

I have to blog this while I can remember...

A too cute William moment...

Today is one of my "nanny" days when we have baby Lilly here, and when I asked William to ask the blessing on breakfast this morning, this is how it went:

William: Father in heaven, thank you for our blessings. Please bless the food. Please help us to have a good day. Please help baby Lilly to learn 9 new things today. Please help her to learn that when she tries to stand up holding onto something and her head is under it, she'll bonk her head, so she shouldn't do that. Please help her to learn that baby games aren't the most fun thing. Please help her to learn some of my games. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Was that good, mom?

Me: That was good, babe.

William: I asked God to help her learn 3 good things. He can decide the rest 'cause he's in charge of the whole world. And He always has good ideas.


I'm sure God smiled. :)

Wal-Mart is evil

I went to Wal-Mart this morning to get cheese, bread and milk (the staples of life) and those little scrubby sponge things.

I came out with cheese, bread, milk (the staples of life), those little scrubby sponge things, a Thomas the Train comforter, pillow, throw and set of sheets (for William), Buzz Lightyear pajamas (also for William--I can read your mind Crystal), 2 frozen pizzas, an electric pencil sharpener, a mini 3-drawer plastic thingamajig (hopefully to be used to keep William's art supplies from being liberally dispersed around the house where I step on them and break them, then we have to go back to Wal-Mart and get more...and Wal-Mart is evil), a Pepsi, a Dasani and 4 chocolate bars.

If it weren't for the little scrubby things, I would have just gone to HEB. I can get out of HEB with only 4 things. But not Wal-Mart...oh no...there's something in the air there. Consider yourself warned.

William wants me to start a letter campaign

We went to see Cars a couple weekends ago and one of the previews that was shown was for Monster House. My poor kid has been unable to get the scary images out of his head in all this time. He wants me to write letters to the makers of the movie and the theatre complaining. He asks some very good questions and makes some legitimate requests, such as:

--Why do people want to make a scary movie anyway? No kids like to be scared.
--Why do they show scary commercials before funny movies? People who go to funny movies don't want to see scary stuff.
--Tell them to stop showing Monster House on TV and stop showing scary commercials in kid movies.
--Tell them that they scared me and you don't like people to scare your little boy.
--Tell them to make 3 new movies that aren't scary, that are funny.

I'm touched that he thinks I have such power to affect change in the entertainment industry. I'm also more than a little ticked that I'm having to deal with this. After all, we did go to see a funny movie not a scary one (see point #2 above). It's amazing the power that images have over little kids. It's really made me rethink what I let him see, even on accident. He remembers the whole preview in vivid detail, while I barely remember it at all. Whether this is because he has a better memory than me, or because I was absorbed in getting all the buttered popcorn off the top before sharing it, I don't know. All I know is it's making bedtime a really sad time for my little boy, and I don't like it.

Lock up your daughters, dads!

William: "When I get a girl I love, I'm just going to take her places and get to know her better, but I'm not going to call that dating. I'm going to call it going to get something to eat."

William: "And you can come too."

William: "And if anything goes wrong there, we can just leave."

Me: "You mean leave her there, or take her home?"

William: "We can take her home if we want to, but if something goes wrong with her, we can leave her there."

I think I win the encouraging mother of the day award.

Me: If you'll calm down for a sec, I can show you how to really swim. I'm a pretty good swimmer.
William: I already know how to swim. (thrashes violently and sinks)
Me: No. You know how to drown reluctantly.

Good book

I just got through reading a good book: Hungry Planet: What the World Eats by Peter Menzel and Faith D'Aluisio. Really really (like my double really's JB?) interesting book about...well...what the world eats. Basically they traveled to 20-something countries and bought 20-something families a typical week's worth of groceries, then took a picture of the family with all the food. There are also some telling essays on nutrition and eating habits and how they are changing around the world. My favorite family was from Bhutan (yeah I'd never heard of it either). 13 people in one house spent just over $5.00 for a week's worth of groceries. But it was just interesting all around. Next up, the same couple's book Material World which involves taking pictures of similar families around the world standing in their front yards with all their worldly possesions. I wonder how many generations it would take before Americans could get used to living like most of the rest of the world?