Warning: Long, boring post ahead.

In keeping with the title of my blog, I should probably give some news from time to time. The thing about news is that it's really about perceptions. And perceptions are about emotions and reactions and how I really feel and all that good stuff I try my best to keep from public view. Not that this blog is that publicly viewed (hi Crystal and Jonathan). But still...I tried keeping a diary-type blog in which to vent and say what I really feel in the honest belief that no one else could see it, but I didn't actually set it up right, and Jonathan and Crystal enjoyed it immensely, but I felt really bad. I mean, I named names and wrote all the things that were in my head but really shouldn't have been...and then put it on a blog (yeah...I'm a genius). While I admire Charles' ability to completely bare his soul on his blog, however infrequently, I'm afraid of the repercussions of saying what I really think about people...you know...on the off chance that someone cares. That said...

My life's been no bed of roses for the past 5 years or so. Being a single parent is no fun. I discovered that, contrary to what it may have seemed like when I was in college, there are much worse things than being single and having no prospect of changing that. For example, being in a bad marriage....much worse. And raising a kid on your own is no picnic. My family is so helpful, that's true, but when it all comes down to it, it's on me. The absolute worst thing is not being able to be there for him. I'm so thankful for my mom and my sister and the times that they've kept him while I work. But I also hate that, during those times, they have been the "mommy" figure in his life, and I've been more of a daddy. Having a wonderful, loving, imaginative little boy, and then only getting to spend 3 hrs a day with him...and spending those 3 hrs feeding him breakfast, getting him dressed, feeding him dinner, bathing him and putting him to bed...is torture. So I've kind of felt like I've been in the twilight zone for several years. I went from having my whole future out in front of me and having a plan for my life, to just basically surviving from day to day. And living with my family, which basically makes me feel like a loser. And having no idea what to do next and how to fix the whole mess.

And that's why I'm so excited right now. I'm still living with family, but I have HOPE of maybe actually someday being an adult...having a house, and a car and taking care of my son without impersonating a sponge. Basically the biggest news in the life of me and William is that we are so happy and thankful right now. I'm working from home and homeschooling and getting to spend so much time with William! He's such a cool kid (ok...so he also has some infuriatingly annoying habits) and it's a huge blessing not to drop him off with anyone. I'm actually the one raising him right now...not a daycare, not my sister, not my mother...I love it. So does William. :P I don't actually have full-time work at this point, but having been fully unemployed before, being partially employed is not so bad. I still have to sponge, but I can also buy new underwear without borrowing money. And there are prospects. For the first time since William and I struck out on our own, I can see how I could make a living from home. When I found out we were moving from Charlotte, I made the determination that I was going to be a mommy first and a breadwinner second. And I'm leaving the breadwinning in God's hands. I'm asking him to provide me with a way to provide for William and myself from home. And I believe that He will.

Newsflash--Right now, life is GOOD!